6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
