I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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