If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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