i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
