Soap is not a condiment
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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