I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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