Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
