I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
