why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
