The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
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