All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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