A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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