No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
