She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
