I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
No subtext here. People are naked.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
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How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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