You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Randomize
