You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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