that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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