I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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