I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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