$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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