see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
