I am midnight drunk by noon
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
i came on her dog
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
