I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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