thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
