i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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