No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
