Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
