Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
