Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
