1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
