He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
