I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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