The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
