your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
