u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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