Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
