a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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