Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
