I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
How's work?
Spinning.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
