Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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