May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize