Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
