I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Randomize
