I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
