Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
why is half of my head shaved?
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