i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
