oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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