I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
