y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize