So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
