What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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