oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
