I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
