i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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