Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
