Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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