Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
