You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She announced her abortion via fbk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
