masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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