Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
