so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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